Author: Nicholas Hilyard
Growing up in the 80's and 90's the doctors I went to see didn't know what Autism was, or it was over-looked. I went to speech therapy for years of my life. I was held back in preschool ( i had horrible panic attack's leaving my mom, they would have to pry me off of her), due to my developmentally disorder we know NOW is Autism back then was so scary and I got called a mama's boy and people over-looked it. By age 10 I was so behind in school I started flunking reading and was still in speech therapy, so I was placed with a tutor missing out on social studies in third grade. Even then, my mom was my medicine, she was my rock, and I would get to go to the office to call my mom and make sure she was on her way to get me (she was always there) but my mind told me something horrible had happened. So, I would spend the last 20 minutes in school calling and frantically waiting for my mom to come pick me up out in the hall way.
Growing up in the 80's and 90's the doctors I went to see didn't know what Autism was, or it was over-looked. I went to speech therapy for years of my life. I was held back in preschool ( i had horrible panic attack's leaving my mom, they would have to pry me off of her), due to my developmentally disorder we know NOW is Autism back then was so scary and I got called a mama's boy and people over-looked it. By age 10 I was so behind in school I started flunking reading and was still in speech therapy, so I was placed with a tutor missing out on social studies in third grade. Even then, my mom was my medicine, she was my rock, and I would get to go to the office to call my mom and make sure she was on her way to get me (she was always there) but my mind told me something horrible had happened. So, I would spend the last 20 minutes in school calling and frantically waiting for my mom to come pick me up out in the hall way.
By age 14 I was put on medication for my anxiety issues still clinging to my mom for all support, I had no friends and was bullied horribly. I saw a therapist but they had no clue what was wrong with me, so their techniques were more then off par and I would stop going, by my freshman year, I had allot of horrible things happen to me at school. My mom pulled me out of school after I was held down and sexually harassed in the locker room. I went to an alternative school where I received my G.E.D at age 16. I met a lot of friends in that school, they were trouble makers, but liked me for me and introduced me to a feeling I hadn't had before and that feeling was acceptance. Unfortunately, we all got addicted to drugs and for years I drank and smoked most of my anxiety away and was put on Zoloft. This helped a lot for awhile. at age 20 I had my first severe panic attack that debilitated me. I refused to leave the house for quite sometime and became the homebody i once was again. I slipped into a depression i am just now at 34 years of age coming out of.
I moved from the small town i grew up in and came to Kansas City, Mo where I immediately got help thanks to my mom and her partner I got into a psychiatrist. I was having severe panic attacks that sent me running to hospitals and I got put on Klonopin and they switched my meds to Paxil, trazodone, and Klonopin. I didn't have a diagnosis but I knew i couldn't work. I filed for disability with a lawyer and after a long wait, I got accepted, after a therapist diagnosed with schizophrenia personality disorder. I finally was able to get a medicaid card that helped a lot and the little money i do get for my disability. I lived in my moms basement and was still very depressed. I started seeing a different psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with Autism. I got with a therapist that knows about autism and with her and my mom and her wife, along with my Dads help, I am managing my life well.
One thing I wish could of went different was finding my faith in God. I wont start a religious debate, but I finally found a group of people that accept me and I have hope now in a future. A fute with more smiles amd less tears. God bless You all, and thank you for the chance to share my story.
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