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Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Blog Series Guest Post: 1 in every 5

Author: Michelle Belles 

Bio: I am Michelle the mom to three adult children, two of which suffer from mental illness. Our journey hasn't always been easy, but it's been more than worth it. My children are a blessing and a lesson. They have made me strong, kind, and courageous through their journey to a healthier, happier state of mind.

As the mother of two children who suffer from depression, I've spent years researching and learning the facts surrounding mental illness. Like a lot of mothers, I blamed myself for the problems my children have. Only after learning the facts, and accepting that mental illness is a true health issue, have I been able to see the absolutely amazing individuals they are. I would never want someone to identify them based on their illness. 
I've had so many people ask me, “Why?” They say to me “You guys have such a great life: you live in a nice home, money isn't an issue, you have a strong marriage, your children went to great schools, and they have been given all the advantages.”  I used to tell them I didn't know,  but over the last several years, I've changed my way of thinking. My answer now is, “Mental illness doesn't discriminate.”
Anyone, at any age, can develop a mental illness. It's just like catching a cold; it just happens. If your spouse or child was diagnosed with cancer, you would seek any and all medical help available. Your family and friends would rally around you, offering support and prayers. So why is it when that you, share that you, or your child, are suffering from depression,  or are bipolar, these same people want nothing to do with you? Could it be all of the myths that surround mental illness, creating the negative stigma that seems to follow it around like a shadow on a sunny day? Should someone with a mental illness be marked with this negative stigma, branding them as a person of disgrace, and grouping them by their illness, instead of the content of their character? Prejudices, negative attitudes,  and discrimination based on an illness just doesn't make sense. It's equal to judging someone based on the color of their skin, or their sexual preferences. If we dispel the myths, and spend more time spreading the truth, will more people be willing to accept the facts, and see mental illness as a real, treatable health issue? Will people come to realize that you can't just get over or shake off depression? Will people come to understand that depression isn't just being sad; it is irritability, lack of energy, loss of appetite, restlessness, racing thoughts, and reckless behaviors? Will people become cognizant of the fact that 1 in every 5 children under the age of 13 suffer from depression? If we keep spewing the facts, will the nonbelievers finally get it?

Monday, May 30, 2016

Blog Series: Mental Illness and Being Gay

Author: Me

As you all know, I am gay.  I have a wife and two fur-sons that are my world.  I've known I was gay since I was 19 years old, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.  I had grown up going to church, thinking that being gay was wrong and a sin, and around the time I realized that I was gay, I started going to a very conservative church.  This church also led me to believe that being gay was wrong and  some of friends who knew of my secret would "help" me by "praying the gay away".  That never works.

I also believe that my mental illness led me to tell my family I was gay and then ten minutes later, call them back and tell them that I definitely was not gay.  I have Bipolar, Anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder, and they have caused me to suffer a lot knowing I am gay.  I don't suffer anymore, though.  In fact, I am so in love with my wife and I love our life together!  But, I have suffered because of the things my illnesses would tell me about myself when I was coming to terms with being gay.

I used to literally wake up in the morning with the worst anxiety I could ever imagine.  It's the worst anxiety I've ever had in my life.  I would go from my bed to the couch and just lay there and moan because I was in so much pain.  I didn't even have words to describe how I was feeling then, so the moaning was the only thing I could do.  I would have stomach problems, I couldn't eat, I would dry heave a lot, and sometimes I actually would throw up.  I would always think to myself "How could I be like this?" "I am going to hell" "I am a terrible person to want to be with another woman".  And these were the not-so-bad thoughts.  

I remember going to a local vacation spot here in Maryland with my wife and, on the Boardwalk, there would always be somebody holding a bible and preaching about sinners turning to God.  As we would walk past those people, I would always get tons of anxiety and be unsure of everything.  That was horrible.  The anxiety was definitely the worst, but I believe that the Bipolar and BPD were also in play.  

The BPD made it hard for me to be okay with being gay because I just wasn't sure who I was. I thought I was making it up sometimes, because I didn't know who I was (lack of self-identity is one of the big symptoms of BPD), and I believe it's what led me to vacillate between telling myself and my family that I was gay.  I mean, I really knew deep down inside, but I was scared.  Really scared.  

The mood swings from the Bipolar didn't help out with any of this either.
When I met my wife, things were not good for a long while. I now knew that I had to come out as gay because I loved my wife and knew that we were going to be together forever.  However, I was still very anxious, and my anxiety caused me to break up with her many times.  I'm glad she kept coming back and loving me through it all. (I will talk more about this in "Love and Marriage").

It took a lot of hard work, but I am glad that I'm gay now.  I know that as I began to get better with my illnesses, I got better with being okay with being gay, and visa versa.  As my anxiety lessened in general, I began to feel happy about being gay and being able to spend the rest of my life with my amazing wife. I'm glad that my wife and I have been married for more than 6 years.

I am the happiest and healthiest I've ever been in my whole life.  But, it was scary at times, dealing with having mental illness and being gay.  I'm so thankful that now I am okay and actually happy that I am gay.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Blog Series Guest Post: The Dilemma of Psychiatric Medications During Pregnancy

Author: Jessica Hyatt

Bio: I'm 39 year old, living in upstate NY. I have Bipolar II (manifesting primarily as chronic severe depressive episodes), ADHD, GAD, and somewhat healed PTSD. It seems I've spent a lifetime learning how to manage my illness and find an identity beyond it. Helping people has always been my calling. Through my twenties and thirties I've offered informal peer support and advocacy to many who were dealing with similar symptoms. I got super into psychobiology research for about 12 years and  briefly majored in it in college. Knowledge-seeking is a passion. My world finally stabilized in the past couple of years, thanks to a wonderfully supportive partner, good therapist, tons of work and an effective med cocktail. After many false starts, I found a life path that allows me to blossom. I became a doula and certified lactation counselor. (A doula provides consistent emotional, educational, and physical support before, during and after childbirth.) I adore everything having to do with babies. It allows me to support and empower people through the most incredible and bewildering time of their lives! I love it! I intend to focus on supporting expectant parents who have mental health challenges.


(This piece does not substitute for medical advice from a doctor.)

When I was pregnant with a much-longed for son, 21 years ago, I had a limited understanding of my childhood-onset bipolar disorder, anxiety and ADHD - which had only been partially addressed with antidepressants. As soon as I saw that second pink line, I stopped taking Effexor cold turkey. Like so many people, I did not consider my mental health to be as important as physical well-being, and had no true awareness of the mind-body connection or that mental illness has a physiological basis - and how that might affect my baby. I would come to deeply regret that.

I wasn't currently in therapy, nor had I ever gotten anything from it in the past. I hadn’t yet learned mindfulness or DBT, so my coping skills were nearly non-existent. The severity of my returning symptoms escalated quickly, leading to social isolation, overeating, reduced exercising, intense fights with my partner, obsessive worry about my baby and unchecked rage. How could I have known that relapse during pregnancy is extremely common?

At that time, there was hardly any available evidence concerning the safety (or danger) of psychiatric meds during pregnancy. I did not want to expose this little developing brain to drugs that alter neurological function, in fear that this would increase his or her odds of suffering the same way I had. I wouldn’t take anything more than Tums. I did all of the things I was supposed to do, like quitting smoking and drinking, taking tons of childbirth education classes, reading every book I could get my hands on, singing to my belly, getting prenatal care with a great midwife and improving my diet. All I wanted and hoped for was that my child would be happy.

 As it turned out, my son is a lot like me. He had serious emotional and behavioral issues that were apparent before the age of 5. He struggled greatly, and life was extremely difficult for us for a long time. As a young adult, he still struggles. I felt so guilty for burdening him with my genes. Now, I question how much of a contributing factor my untreated illness was. I believe it played a much greater part than I used to imagine, and my wellness could have afforded him some protection against this genetic predisposition. In my determination to protect him, I may have actually caused harm.

A crucial piece of information I did not have back then: severe untreated illness carries it's own risks. For example, excessive anxiety is related to low-birth weight, preterm delivery and miscarriage… Mania itself can lead to unsafe behaviors: self-medicating with drugs or alcohol becomes much more likely. Symptoms can interfere with mother-baby bonding. There is evidence that exposure to ongoing high levels of stress hormones in the mother can have negative long-term effects on the child. These are but a few of the potential risks.

Self-care can become an overwhelming task. How can we ensure we are meeting our needs of nutrition, hydration, physical activity, relaxation, balance, and getting to prenatal medical appointments, when we find ourselves too deeply depressed to even get out of bed to shower?
I'm not suggesting that taking medication during pregnancy is the right choice for everyone - but pregnancy is not automatically a reason to stop taking psychiatric medications that are keeping you well. Ultimately, it is a very personal decision that rests with you and your treatment team.

Drug treatment needs to be contemplated on a case-by-case basis. All medications cross the placenta, but to varying degrees. Multiple drug exposure is even more complicated. In weighing risks versus benefits, we need to base the decision on the risk of untreated illness versus the risk of specific medication exposures at specific times in gestation. Often any given drug will have more potential risk at certain points in pregnancy, depending on what organs are developing at that time.

Maintaining stability without medication requires commitment to a wellness plan, utilizing all of the other tools we have for reducing symptoms and managing our illness. Cognitive-behavioral therapies, mindfulness groups, any type of movement meditation, and journaling are some options that would be beneficial.

Finding a knowledgeable care provider can be harder than it sounds. There is a startling lack of awareness and education within the medical community, regarding treatment of perinatal mental health conditions. A positive pregnancy test too often results in knee-jerk reactions, by inexperienced providers, to pull the patient off all meds - drastically increasing the risk of relapse and frequently causing intense yet avoidable mental and physical withdrawal. Experts in the field seem to generally agree on some reasons to continue medication use: moderate to severe symptoms, previous failed attempts to discontinue meds, a relapse has occurred early in pregnancy, or psychosis or suicidality is present. There seems to be across the board agreement: if a patient is stopping meds that are not known to be a teratogen, they should be gradually weaned off of them.

Knowing what I know today….If I were to plan a pregnancy, I would do things very differently. Over a decade of research into the biology of mental illness and its treatment have given me insight into what is known about underlying causes. Some really great therapy has helped me to better understand my strengths and limitations, my triggers, effective ways of self-soothing, and general insight into my own state of being. Becoming a doula, and studying perinatal mental health issues, has motivated me to closely examine the data regarding medication exposure as well.

Many commonly prescribed psychiatric meds actually have a pretty reassuring safety profile for use during pregnancy. (Be aware that the FDA classification system of A,B,C,D,X is outdated and is being phased out because it was found to be confusing and misleading.) On the other hand, the gold standard double blind research studies (providing the strongest evidence) are unethical to use with pregnant participants, so the data compiled has had to come from other methods - making the strength of the conclusions weaker than they’d be if based on double-blind studies. Still, quite a bit of evidence has been collected over the past twenty years, and it is worth hearing what perinatal mental health specialists have to say about it, and what research studies have found. Some of that information is available in the links at the end of this article.

I'm stable for the first time in a long time, taking 4 meds a day and seeing a therapist weekly. What would I personally do if I chose to have a baby now? I think I would:

Carefully review the scientific evidence regarding my current meds.
Consult with a doctor or nurse practitioner specializing in perinatal psychiatry to discuss my current medications and work together to formulate a plan, eliminating as many as possible, and talking about how to proceed, should debilitating symptoms return. Even if I could not afford ongoing care with them, I'd do a consultation for their expert opinion.
Gradually taper off the medications we decide to eliminate
Continue weekly therapy
Update my Wellness Action Recovery Plan
Practice mindfulness and yoga
Build a strong social support system
Create a balanced life and a healthy routine. Find enjoyable forms of exercise. Nurture my body. Get plenty of sleep. Spend time with people I love, time in the sun, time engaged in creative hobbies. Getting into this routine well ahead of time will make it easier to stick with during pregnancy. All of these things build up resistance to relapse and benefit baby.
Have a solid plan for the first several postpartum months. Arrange for help in the early days, possibly from a postpartum doula. Limit visitors. Prepare and freeze several weeks worth of meals. Give self permission to focus on healing and bonding.

If you are facing this decision, the most important thing you can do is educate yourself. Make sure to rely on factual, evidence-based information from reliable sources, so you understand your options. There are several good books on this specific subject. Avoid relying on information found on social media, message boards, blogs, websites trying to sell something, friends or family. Although often well-meaning, there is far too much misinformation and uneducated opinion being offered out there. You’ll need to dig deeper to look at the facts.

Ideally, we would all have easy access to a mental health provider specializing in perinatal psychiatry. Unfortunately, these specialists are few and far between. There are organizations, such as some of those listed below, that can help connect you to local specialists. If you cannot find someone local, you may have to strongly advocate for yourself with a prescriber who is out of their comfort zone.

It is never an easy choice. As people living with chronic mental illnesses, we face challenges that others don’t have to consider... decisions that are straightforward for most are not nearly as clear-cut for us. Choosing parenthood is most certainly an example of this. I can’t know for sure what I would have done differently, but I wish I’d had the option to make an informed decision instead of one based on fear, gut reactions, and assumptions. I believe my son would have greatly benefitted from it. In the end, we struggle with this decision because we are all trying to do what’s best for our babies.

http://www.cdc.gov/pregnancy/meds/treatingfortwo/index.html
www.infantrisk.com
http://mothertobaby.org/
http://motherrisk.com/women/index.jsp
https://reprotox.org (Summaries on the effects of medications on pregnancy - not available to the general public, but you can ask your prescriber to check it out.)

Great sources for further resources and support (both during and after pregnancy)
http://www.postpartum.net/
http://postpartumprogress.org/




  • The Dilemma of Psychiatric Medication During Pregnancy
    When I was pregnant with a much-longed for son, 21 years ago, I had a limited understanding
    of my childhood-onset bipolar disorder, anxiety and ADHD - which had only been partially
    addressed with antidepressants. As soon as I saw that second pink line, I stopped taking
    Effexor cold turkey. Like so many people, I did not consider my mental health to be as important
    as physical well-being, and had no true awareness of the mind-body connection or that mental
    illness has a physiological basis - and how that might affect my baby. I would come to deeply
    regret that.
    I wasn't currently in therapy, nor had I ever gotten anything from it in the past. I hadn’t yet
    learned mindfulness or DBT, so my coping skills were nearly non-existent. The severity of my
    returning symptoms escalated quickly, leading to social isolation, overeating, reduced
    exercising, intense fights with my partner, obsessive worry about my baby and unchecked rage.
    How could I have known that relapse during pregnancy is extremely common?
    At that time, there was hardly any available evidence concerning the safety (or danger) of
    psychiatric meds during pregnancy. I did not want to expose this little developing brain to drugs
    that alter neurological function, in fear that this would increase his or her odds of suffering the
    same way I had. I wouldn’t take anything more than Tums. I did all of the things I was supposed
    to do, like quitting smoking and drinking, taking tons of childbirth education classes, reading
    every book I could get my hands on, singing to my belly, getting prenatal care with a great
    midwife and improving my diet. All I wanted and hoped for was that my child would be happy.
    As it turned out, my son is a lot like me. He had serious emotional and behavioral issues that
    were apparent before the age of 5. He struggled greatly, and life was extremely difficult for us for
    a long time. As a young adult, he still struggles. I felt so guilty for burdening him with my genes.
    Now, I question how much of a contributing factor my untreated illness was. I believe it played a
    much greater part than I used to imagine, and my wellness could have afforded him some
    protection against this genetic predisposition. In my determination to protect him, I may have
    actually caused harm.
    A crucial piece of information I did not have back then: severe untreated illness carries it's own
    risks. For example, excessive anxiety is related to low-birth weight, preterm delivery and
    miscarriage… Mania itself can lead to unsafe behaviors: self-medicating with drugs or alcohol
    becomes much more likely. Symptoms can interfere with mother-baby bonding. There is
    evidence that exposure to ongoing high levels of stress hormones in the mother can have
    negative long-term effects on the child. These are but a few of the potential risks.
    Self-care can become an overwhelming task. How can we ensure we are meeting our needs of
    nutrition, hydration, physical activity, relaxation, balance, and getting to prenatal medical
    appointments, when we find ourselves too deeply depressed to even get out of bed to shower?
  • I'm not suggesting that taking medication during pregnancy is the right choice for everyone - but
    pregnancy is not automatically a reason to stop taking psychiatric medications that are keeping
    you well. Ultimately, it is a very personal decision that rests with you and your treatment team.
    Drug treatment needs to be contemplated on a case-by-case basis. All medications cross the
    placenta, but to varying degrees. Multiple drug exposure is even more complicated. In weighing
    risks versus benefits, we need to base the decision on the risk of untreated illness versus the
    risk of specific medication exposures at specific times in gestation. Often any given drug
    will have more potential risk at certain points in pregnancy, depending on what organs are
    developing at that time.
    Maintaining stability without medication requires commitment to a wellness plan, utilizing all of
    the other tools we have for reducing symptoms and managing our illness. Cognitive-behavioral
    therapies, mindfulness groups, any type of movement meditation, and journaling are some
    options that would be beneficial.
    Finding a knowledgeable care provider can be harder than it sounds. There is a startling lack of
    awareness and education within the medical community, regarding treatment of perinatal mental
    health conditions. A positive pregnancy test too often results in knee-jerk reactions, by
    inexperienced providers, to pull the patient off all meds - drastically increasing the risk of relapse
    and frequently causing intense yet avoidable mental and physical withdrawal. Experts in the
    field seem to generally agree on some reasons to continue medication use: moderate to severe
    symptoms, previous failed attempts to discontinue meds, a relapse has occurred early in
    pregnancy, or psychosis or suicidality is present. There seems to be across the board
    agreement: if a patient is stopping meds, they should be gradually weaned off of them.
    Knowing what I know today….If I were to plan a pregnancy, I would do things very differently.
    Over a decade of research into the biology of mental illness and its treatment have given me
    insight into what is known about underlying causes. Some really great therapy has helped me to
    better understand my strengths and limitations, my triggers, effective ways of self-soothing, and
    general insight into my own state of being. Becoming a doula, and studying perinatal mental
    health issues, has motivated me to closely examine the data regarding medication exposure as
    well.
    Many commonly prescribed psychiatric meds actually have a pretty reassuring safety profile for
    use during pregnancy. (Be aware that the FDA classification system of A,B,C,D,X is outdated
    and is being phased out because it was found to be confusing and misleading.) On the other
    hand, the gold standard double blind research studies (providing the strongest evidence) are
    unethical to use with pregnant participants, so the data compiled has had to come from other
    methods - making the strength of the conclusions weaker than they’d be if based on double-
    blind studies. Still, quite a bit of evidence has been collected over the past twenty years, and it
    is worth hearing what perinatal mental health specialists have to say about it, and what research
    studies have found. Some of that information is available in the links at the end of this article.

  • I'm stable for the first time in a long time, taking 4 meds a day and seeing a therapist weekly.
    What would I personally do if I chose to have a baby now? I think I would:
    Carefully review the scientific evidence regarding my current meds.
    Consult with a doctor or nurse practitioner specializing in perinatal psychiatry to discuss
    my current medications and work together to formulate a plan, eliminating as many as
    possible, and talking about how to proceed, should debilitating symptoms return. Even if
    I could not afford ongoing care with them, I'd do a consultation for their expert opinion.
    Gradually taper off the medications we decide to eliminate
    Continue weekly therapy
    Update my Wellness Action Recovery Plan
    Practice mindfulness and yoga
    Build a strong social support system
    Create a balanced life and a healthy routine. Find enjoyable forms of exercise. Nurture
    my body. Get plenty of sleep. Spend time with people I love, time in the sun, time
    engaged in creative hobbies. Getting into this routine well ahead of time will make it
    easier to stick with during pregnancy. All of these things build up resistance to relapse
    and benefit baby.
    Have a solid plan for the first several postpartum months. Arrange for help in the early
    days, possibly from a postpartum doula. Limit visitors. Prepare and freeze several weeks
    worth of meals. Give self permission to focus on healing and bonding.
    If you are facing this decision, the most important thing you can do is educate yourself. Make
    sure to rely on factual, evidence-based information from reliable sources, so you understand
    your options. There are several good books on this specific subject. Avoid relying on information
    found on social media, message boards, blogs, websites trying to sell something, friends or
    family. Although often well-meaning, there is far too much misinformation and uneducated
    opinion being offered out there. You’ll need to dig deeper to look at the facts.
    Ideally, we would all have easy access to a mental health provider specializing in perinatal
    psychiatry. Unfortunately, these specialists are few and far between. There are organizations,
    such as some of those listed below, that can help connect you to local specialists. If you cannot
    find someone local, you may have to strongly advocate for yourself with a prescriber who is out
    of their comfort zone.
    It is never an easy choice. As people living with chronic mental illnesses, we face challenges
    that others don’t have to consider... decisions that are straightforward for most are not nearly as
    clear-cut for us. Choosing parenthood is most certainly an example of this. I can’t know for sure
    what I would have done differently, but I wish I’d had the option to make an informed decision
    instead of one based on fear, gut reactions, and assumptions. I believe my son would have
    greatly benefitted from it. In the end, we struggle with this decision because we are all trying to
    do what’s best for our babies.
    http :// www . cdc . gov / pregnancy / meds / treatingfortwo / index . html




  • www . infantrisk . com
    http :// mothertobaby . org /
    http :// motherrisk . com / women / index . jsp
    https :// reprotox . org (Summaries on the effects of medications on pregnancy - not available to
    the general public, but you can ask your prescriber to check it out.)
    Great sources for further resources and support (both during and after pregnancy)
    http :// www . postpartum . net /
    http :// postpartumprogress . org /