It wasn't until I was in college that I decided that I wanted to be more involved with the Christian religion. I didn't have any friends, and I thought that maybe I would get some friends this way, too.
At the age of 19, I attended a Christian life group on the campus of the community college I attended, and soon I began going to the conservative church that the leaders attended. I loved it! I got friends, a social life, I actually had a friend call me at home just to see how I was doing (that never really happened before). I was hooked.
It was also around the age of 19 that I began to know that I was a lesbian. I knew from my church upbringing that I was not supposed to feel that way. But, I decided to confide in a select few friends at church about my feelings. They continually offered to pray for me, that God would take the feelings away. It didn't work, no matter how much I prayed (and I prayed all the time) or they prayed. I knew I was a lesbian from the time I was 19. Just a simple fact.
But, I wasn't allowed to be one or have the feelings I had. The church said that God said no. For the seven years that I went to that church, the ideas of the church and the (false) fact that I was told that God said no really got to me. I wanted to fit in but it was tearing me apart. I was having so much anxiety about it, and since I already struggled with Bipolar Disorder, it did not help.
I left that church in 2006 and met my wife in late 2007. It was fate, I know that now. I was really struggling when I met her, having briefly been to an ex-gay "ministry" and having tried everything I knew to not be a lesbian. It was so hard in the beginning of our relationship. So hard. I was freaking out and my anxiety was through the roof. It was horrible, but my wife stayed by my side through it all and helped me get to where I am today.
I used to think that, because I was gay, God did not love me, I was going to hell, I was disappointing Him, and I was worthless.
I used to freak out every time I heard something negative said about gay people. Everything cut so deep.
It took a couple of years, with my honey by my side, for me to realize that I am doing exactly what God wants me to do. He loves me. Always has and always will. He put Stacey in my life so that I would know what true, unconditional love is all about.
Stacey and I were married on December 6, 2009 in Baltimore, and then honeymooned in Boston, where we got legally married on December 31, 2009. We became legal in Maryland on January 1, 2014, after Maryland voted yes to legalizing same-sex marriage. And yesterday, June 26, 2015, in an historic Supreme Court decision, we became legal everywhere in the United States. I am so proud of their decision to vote FOR love!
I hope that my gay brothers and sisters will soon realize, since this decision, that they are loved by God and they are on the right path. I pray that churches will no longer be able to bully gays and lesbians into being something other than who they are. To every gay person out there who is struggling, I just want to say: Love will always win. Be strong and don't let anyone bully you. You are loved unconditionally by God and He is proud of you. And so am I.
On our wedding day
Today...
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