Why would anyone want to talk about the depressions that are like living nightmares, except they happen when you are awake? Why would you want to discuss how debilitating the constant need for relief from the horrible thoughts that fill your mind day after day is? The buzzing of the mind is sometimes just too much to bear and after a while, you just want out. You don't care how the relief comes, even if it means you have to take your own life. You just want out. You don't want to exist in a world where those who are supposed to love you treat you like crap, yet claim to be trying to help you.
And who wants to talk about the invisibility of anxiety? It wakes you up multiple times in the middle of the night, and you can't help but lay in bed over-thinking every single thing in your life.
Am I doing everything right? Am I okay as a person? What if I have some major flaw that people aren't telling me about? Why am I here on this earth? I don't help anyone, I just hurt everyone I come in contact with.
Then maybe you get some sleep but wake up in a stupor early in the morning and have to go out onto the couch and moan, because moaning seems to help the anxiety a little bit.
What about the anxiety of hypo-mania? A lot of people say that mania is great, you feel high on life and get very creative. People with Bipolar and people who just think they know what mental illness is like. For some people, it is an outlet for creativity. Not for me. When I am hypo-manic, it is usually later at night, so I am exhausted, fidgety, and really anxious and upset. I am not a happy person. At all. But who wants to talk about the down-side of hypo-mania or full-blown mania? Oh, and I forgot another down-side to mania. Depression always comes after and, like I said before, that's just agonizing.
Who wants to talk about the hours of missed work, the cancelled plans, the cancelled life, that you cannot escape?
Everyone says: You are just being lazy. You're gonna have to work if you want to live. You are fine. You don't look sick. Get out of bed and do something!
They don't realize that you CAN'T get up. You CAN'T work because of the stress. You are NOT fine. You ARE sick, even if you don't look like you are.
This used to be me. Unending depression and anxiety. It was the most horrifying thing I've ever gone through in my life.
But, a couple of years ago, I accepted and got help. It can be different, even though I never thought it could be. It is different for me now. Completely different. Good. Happy. That doesn't mean that it doesn't happen still, but it is never as bad as it was. I'm very grateful for that.
Even though mental illness affects one in four adults, they are invisible. A little compassion and kindness goes a long way. Don't forget to practice it.
(If you are thinking about suicide and need to talk with someone, please call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
No comments:
Post a Comment