Bio: I'm Cate, a former classroom teacher who taught for over 20 years. Now I'm a stay-at-home-mom, blogger and educational advocate. Check out my blog at : Raising a Drama Queen. I also have a Facebook page called: Raising a Drama Queen: Adventures with Autism and Bipolar Disorder.
As I previously wrote about on this blog, I grew up with two
parents who had mental illnesses. My father’s affected him most of my life. My
mom’s lie dormant until I was an adult and on my own.
Before my husband and I considered having a child of our own,
we wanted to educate ourselves about the possibility of having a child with a
mental illness. I attended a NAMI Family-to-Family 12 week class to learn how
best to support my severely mentally ill mother and to learn what the
percentages were of me passing this on to any future children I might have. I
was encouraged to learn that it wasn’t that great. (Keep in mind this was over
ten years ago. Recent statistics place this at close to 10%.)
Armed with this knowledge, my husband and I decided to spin
the roulette wheel. We desired a child who was not only physically healthy, but
also mentally healthy. Once I became pregnant with our daughter, we saw a
genetic counselor. He took copious notes while we told him about all of the
various health challenges that run in our families: cancer, high blood
pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, strokes and heart attacks. The odds were
not stacked in our child’s favor. Knowing this, we continued to move forward. The ultrasound I
was given to detect if there were any birth defects, showed there were none.
Since I was almost 40, my doctor also recommended that I have an amniocentesis
performed to see if my baby had Downs Syndrome. After reading up on this and
learning that sometimes it can result in a miscarriage, I opted out of this
test.
When our daughter was born a few months later, we were happy
that she appeared normal and healthy. This was especially significant since my
husband had had two bouts with cancer before she was conceived. He was
concerned that radiation that he had received six months prior may have
affected her. I remember him holding her up and saying, “Ten little fingers and
ten little toes, she’s perfect.”
The first few years after our little cherub was born, were
hectic, but we thought we were just like everyone else. We just had a child who
was a little more spirited and defiant. During her Kindergarten year, she was
given the diagnosis of ADHD after a few less than pleasant incidents at school.
That same summer we had a clinical psychologist perform a complete mental
health evaluation on her. One sentence in the summary of his report still
echoes in my mind. It read, “…but the possibility of bipolar disorder cannot be
ruled out.”
I was in shock when I read those words. As a classroom
teacher, I could handle a child with
ADHD. I could even handle one with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. The bipolar
diagnosis, on the other hand, had me searching for answers. One of the first
things I did was go to the bookstore to learn more. I picked up “ Bipolar
Disorder for Dummies” by Fink and Kraynak. I found one chapter about bipolar
disorder in children. In this book I
found another sentence that would change my life, “For more information go to Child
and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation. At …” (It is now The Balanced Mind Parent
Network, http://community.dbsalliance.org/welcome.htm)
On this site I found parents like me trying to make sense of
our child’s intense mood swings as well as parents who had been in the trenches
for a while. They were my lifeline for many
years. I am now one of the ones giving back to this wonderful organization.
Additionally, my husband and I sought out professionals who
would help us with our precious child. We found a gifted and compassionate
marriage and family therapist who was a bevy of resources. She had a wealth of knowledge about how to
parent a challenging child. My daughter liked her and saw her on her own for
several years until she moved her practice out of the area. Within six months
of our daughter’s initial diagnosis, we were also blessed to find a wonderful
psychiatrist after two others didn’t work out. The further along my daughter
went in her educational career, the more we realized that she would need more
help than the average child. Our therapist recommended an educational advocate
to us. Over the years we have had three fabulous advocates who helped us
navigate 504 and IEP meetings. I am convinced that my daughter would not be at
the fantastic therapeutic day school she has been at since fourth grade, were
it not for the guidance that my husband and I received from these talented advocates.
My daughter finally received the official bipolar diagnosis
at age seven. She was hospitalized five times before the age of ten. My husband
and I have survived it all. We learned that one of us needed to be available and
to provide structure for her. A little of four years ago I ended up resigning
from over 20 years of teaching so I could provide that support. We learned not
to fill our child’s schedule so that she has very little down time. Yes, it’s hard, however, it is not
impossible.
It took me a few years to stop saying, “Why me? I already
had my turn with living with individuals with a mental illness.” A friend
taught me, the teacher, that I was the perfect mom for my precious daughter.
Since I’d had experience with mental health, I know what to look for to get my
daughter the help that she needs. I’m blessed to have been chosen to raise this
child.
The road we are traveling on has many bumps and turns. It is
often like riding a roller coaster. Even
so, I’m confident that my husband and I will figure out the next part in our
journey as parents to a child with mental health challenges. We have a whole
team of professionals cheering us on.
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